CITY MOUSE, COUNTRY MOUSE

Here we are, living in the “big city”.  Alright, so it’s relatively a little city, but definitely a step into a very different lifestyle for us considering the fact we just came from the jungles of Costa Rica.

Jeff grew up in rural Connecticut with rich, sprawling farms and neighbors far and few between. He actually had his own farm in his “other” life, with horses and pigs and tractors and flower and vegetable gardens. We chuckle - there would’ve been no way we’d have even given each other a second look when we were young. I was as much of a farmer as an astronaut. Not quite “Dahling, I love you but give me Park Avenue!”, but close enough. 

He calls me a “city chick”, though you can imagine “city” is a relative term in Rhode Island. The house I lived in as a child was located in a microcosmic suburban neighborhood though, so it didn’t feel like a city at all. Still, I was lucky enough to know the countryside, too. My parents had a humble rustic cottage on a lake at the other end of the state (an long hour’s ride!) where went for the summers. The best of both worlds.

So how do you adjust to life in a condo when you’re used to “putzing” around in the country fresh air? That was a challenge at first. Before all else, we chose wisely in the first place. The old adage of “know thyself” worked. We knew we needed outdoor space, so that was the only thing we looked for without compromise. Cuenca’s got some beautiful buildings, but unfortunately, not a whole lot have outside areas or terraces. Some have bright, open rooms, though, and for many that’s certainly enough. Some of our friends even found great homes with lovely yards. We were lucky to find an apartment with enough terrace area to have a barbecue grill, hang out space, and planters. Our “gardens” may not be extensive, but boy, they’re a saving grace to keep us busy and enjoy that all-important sense of nature.

Another way to feed the “country mouse” part of us of course, is to get up and away. We really enjoy our thriving city social life with great new friends, and yet the options are endless in terms of getting out into the countryside. Last week friends invited us out to their charming “casita” just outside of Cuenca. Up on a lush green mountainside, it looks down on the city below, backed by more mountains across the way. Horses, cows, chickens, dogs - it had everything a country mouse would ever want.

Our first “big trip” was to the sleepy little town of Vilcabamba just the week before with dear friends. Talk about heaven. Vilcabamba is hidden in what’s known as the Valley of Longevity, where people are known to live as long as 120 years. There’s a fairly significant and growing expat community there as well. Everywhere you look the gorgeous Andes tower majestically over you. Country Jeff went off with a group for what turned out to be a daring horseback ride through perilously narrow and muddy paths with sheer drops below.  “One misstep of the horse and you were gone,” he said. Still, he was exhilarated and happy to have gone. Me? I’m glad the “city chick” stayed behind.

So what are you - country mouse or city mouse? I can go either way. I think, though, that I wouldn’t feel “full”  living too far away from nature. What about you?

PIGEON LOVE

I feel like a Peeping Tom, watching them all the time. They seem so devoted, so true. They cuddle, they nuzzle, or simply hang out side by side. There they are, almost every day, perched on that same old limb together. And the minute one swoops down to forage in the grass, the other is right behind. Peck, peck. Life is good.

George and Louise are the consummate couple. It seems they’re quite content in their own little world doing everyday things that pigeons do. Sometimes they’ll fly off together, although occasionally one will take off alone to destinations unknown (we think Louise might have had nests of babies somewhere). Hours or even days can pass, and weirdly enough, I’ll find myself missing them. But always and without fail, they return. Back to their eucalyptus tree by the river. Back to simply  “be” together. 

It may seem unkind to be compared to pigeons, but I see a lot of George and Louise in the couples we know. Whether they’ve been married close to half a century or are late-life newlyweds, all have one definite thing in common: they actually ENJOY being together. They like hanging out with each other, and aren’t happy being apart. They’re companions. They’re friends. They’re a team.

Two things strike me here. 

First of all, not everyone gets that in life. The one who makes your days fuller whether you’re doing something big or just hanging out. If George and Louise were human, I’ll bet they’d be sharing kind words, belly laughs and everything - just like people do.


Then, I think: 

Do we only realize how important friendship is to a relationship when we’re older (and supposedly wiser?) Is that why all the couples around us seem so much happier together than they did when I was young?

Seems to me that in youth, it’s easy to take that kind of ho-hum stuff for granted. We might expect bells and whistles all the time, or something better around the corner, or anything other than what we’ve got (although yes, some of us didn’t quite the George and Louise thing first time around and definitely did have to move on). And of course, life can get pretty busy when raising a family, so maybe it’s too tough to put the friendship in your relationship first.

I’d like to ask those “married-forevers”. Did they not only find the “right one”, but also have the insight to focus on being friends and a team throughout their years? Was that their secret? Lucky them!

Something tells me that George and Louise are absolutely a team. I’ll bet they wouldn’t take each other for granted at all.  I envision them mourning terribly if ever separated. In fact, I looked it up, and pigeons definitely do mate for life. Not surprisingly, when one dies, they do in fact mourn and may only eventually seek another mate in time.

The point of all this rambling is that I think there’s a lesson here. If you’re lucky enough to have found your true mate ~ no matter how old you are ~ show appreciation for that blessing. And enjoy being a team together, just like good ol’ George and Louise. 

THE YOU EVOLUTION

Retirement is great. It gives you time to think about what some could possibly call some very useless things. Still and all, I got to wondering. 

Did my life turn out to be anything similar to what I’d envisioned as a child? 





Did yours?  What hopes and dreams stirred your soul in those tender years? Did you end up weaving them into your life somehow? 

I was a skinny little kid with a short little pixie haircut, standing at the edge of the neighborhood brook. The shallow water bubbled and flowed, swirling around small stones and rocks.  Mesmerized, I bent down and scooped up a handful of the sand.   I let my imagination go wild. Eureka! Those tiny, shiny fragments were gold!  I was Columbus. I was Cortes. I was a great explorer, discovering this precious find all by myself. Minutes later I was on my way, leaping across the waters to the other side of the world with my treasure.

I loved the idea of adventure and exploring even then. And when my parents went off to Europe on a few different trips, they exposed me to the fact that there's a whole wide world out there and maybe I could see it too. Someday. When I got big.

I’d also dreamed of being a teacher, which was pretty much what most of my other little friends wanted to be, too. Or maybe a priest...I liked playing with the church programs, pretending I was delivering the homily at mass. Well, maybe that one wasn’t quite meant to be, but what did I know?

In my teens my greatest dream was “to become an Executive Secretary.” Honest. I put it in my yearbook just like that. College wasn’t mentioned in my house, and least of all for the girls. Why spend all that money and effort when you’re just going to find a nice husband and be taken care of? (!) So I took business classes, and yes, ended up being a secretary. But before I’d made it to the big time “executive” title, a friend took me to the local university at twenty-one years old and made me apply. I did, and studied education. I was going to be that teacher after all.

Okay, so now how does one combine the dreams of teaching and exploring? Aha! By teaching in American International schools overseas, that’s how. I ended up in Guatemala and then in Barcelona. The plan had worked! 

And then “normal” life took hold. I returned to the States, married, settled into a nice house, taught, and went back to school to become an administrator. The last thing on the resume was “school principal”. (We won't mention the divorce, other than to say it led me to a wonderful new adventurous husband!)

So the next thing I want to ask is, Who am I now?   Who are YOU?
But first, go back to the original questions. 


Are you who you expected to be? Did you do what you expected to?

What were those hopes and dreams that stirred your soul in those tender years? Did you end up weaving them into your life somehow?

Please share, or at least send along a comment or question my crazy rambling may have provoked. We look forward to hearing from you!

LIVING OVERSEAS: THE ROAD NOT-SO-LESS TRAVELED

Here we are in South America, and everywhere we look we find other like-minded foreign retirees sharing the so called “ex-pat” experience. No longer is this a unique road to travel.  There’s an incredible amount of condo construction going on in this city, and it’s not surprising to learn that a good part of it is in direct response to our constant influx (invasion?)

The decision to move away from your friends, family and native country is definitely a pretty hefty one. And yet we’ve found, both here and in Costa Rica, that making new friends is usually the least of the challenges. It’s funny, because meeting new people in adulthood isn’t always easy in the States or Canada unless, perhaps, you live in an active retirement community. That’s kind of how it turns out here. Expats tend find each other, ultimately creating their own community of kindred spirits.

It’s definitely been easy to strike up new friendships here in Cuenca. “Gringo Nights” are set up in a handful of local restaurants and bars. Or, you could be invited to one of the many personal parties and get-togethers that go on. It’s not at all unusual to run into the same people over again at various functions, which can help to solidify new connections if you so choose. Jeff and I have met an amazing number of new people just walking down the street. We “Gringos” (a moniker used to refer mostly to North Americans) tend to stand out even to each other, and that can lead to fun new conversations, and sometimes great friendships. In other words, as an expat, you can be as social as you choose to be. That’s a good feeling. 

So who are we Crazies? What do we have in common? A few thoughts...

The Expat Personality

People choose to live abroad for a variety of reasons. For some it’s to seek out a new adventure, for others a financial decision, and still for others even a political decision. For Jeff and I, we can safely say that it was for all three. Still, whatever the case may be, generally those expats are risk-takers to a certain extent. Not necessarily jumping-out-of-airplane risk takers, but definitely people willing to try new things without the guarantee of success. In other words, if change is a threatening word, flying off to live in a new country probably isn’t a good idea for you.

Life abroad goes especially well for those who don’t need to have things their own way. Most foreign countries do not typically provide the Burger King lifestyle we’re used to in North America. You can scream and shout all you want, but it will only get you the sad, chastising dirty looks you’d so richly deserve. Most importantly, YOUR WAY is very often not THEIR WAY, and that needs to be expected ~ and respected. The best part of that, though, is that THEIR WAY often provides a wonderful new treat or perspective.

A Great Support System

“How we came to be here” stories are great for sharing the joys and frustrations of our unique, and yet common, adventures. It’s also not always easy adapting to life in another country. We learn great tips of where to go for what from each other, and how to get things done. And if you need to learn the language, it makes it SO much easier when you have company.

Our expectations for real estate and housing tend to be similar, too, so we often end up living fairly close to one another in the same areas. Again, a nice little web of support can be a boon. 

All in all, though, this not-so-less-traveled road is going to be what any path is - what you make of it. It’s nice, though, to know you probably won’t have any trouble finding kindred spirits along the way.

Have you, or would you, ever consider living in another country? Where and Why? Tell us about it! (And if not, share a comment anyway!)

PETITE SOPHISTICATE

Cuenca has become one of the world’s top retirement destinations, and after four months, we already know why. While searching online for our next home country after Costa Rica, Ecuador kept coming into view and most specifically this city. There’s a wealth of information out there, though, and when you read about the almost-paradise “number 1’s” in the world (especially from real estate developers), it gets you to wondering what the reality really is. 

So far, Cuenca is definitely everything we’d hoped and read about. Granted, we’ve found a few negatives, too, just as anywhere else. I’ll share those with you a little later, but first I want to shout out its virtues. As I’ve mentioned before, this little city has lots of them. We’ve seen its spanish colonial and indigenous threads. But now you’re probably wondering what everyday people here, and everyday life, are like.

“Cuencanos”, the people of Cuenca, are a definite reason to want to call this home. They’re warm, welcoming, and tend to be an exceptionally generous-spirited people. It only takes the mention of a need or hope, and it seems like they’re going out of their way to make it happen for you. Looking for an apartment? One man literally closed up his shop to take us to two different possibilities he’d thought of.  Stop and ask for directions? No worries - I’ll walk you there. Got a flat bike tire? Throw that bike in my flatbed and we’re on our way to get it fixed. Strangers with no place to go for Christmas? Please join our family - we’d love to have you. Even their unique “sing-song” way of speaking spanish is upbeat and joyful. Have we met some who are not quite so wonderful? Well yes, of course. Usually, though, they've simply acted indifferent. Rude is an anomaly here.

Cuencanos value family and friends in a way that brings me back to the way I was brought up. There’s laughter and love and a simple appreciation for sharing time together - no matter how old you are. I especially love watching teens. They’re smart and savvy, and yet still interact with a playful, sweet innocence, apparently untainted by today’s aggressiveness. As is the case with their parents, many go to the States or Canada for a year abroad and speak English beautifully. They are comfortable and respectful with adults. Most typically still don’t leave home until marriage.

Cuencanos are sophisticated. They’re hard-working, professional, and upwardly-mobile. They carry themselves with dignity, dress proudly and often elegantly. But what I respect more than anything is their good old-fashioned morals and values. They manage to live up to date in this crazy world and yet still maintain a a wholesome goodness and touch of class at the same time. A feat, for sure.

Okay, so I’ve lauded over Cuenca’s people. But there’s also the wonderful food, great variety of things to do here, easy transportation to do them all, and even accessible, quality goods. Not to mention that the systems enable you to establish yourself here pretty easily - but that’s a subject for another day. 

I know. You’re waiting for the negatives I mentioned I mentioned earlier. Well, all right. We just came from the jungle, so city life has its "things". Our biggest complaint is that the air quality can get really agitating, especially around the city center. Bus fumes are nasty, and it's especially tough to breathe when you’re trying to get used to the altitude here, too. I also dislike the graffiti immensely - it’s splayed across some of the most beautiful buildings it makes me want to cry. Often the words and images attempt to be poetic or revolutionary, but it’s still just plain ugly and offensive to me.  Car alarms also seem to be well-loved and they are known to be left to sound off for hours. But the funkiest thing of all is a crazy neighborhood guard who bikes all around blowing a silly, obnoxious whistle at all hours - for what purpose we haven't figured out. All I know is that when he wakes me up at 4 a.m. definite thoughts of homicide come to mind. 

So that’s the essence of Cuenca’s beautiful tapestry. I’ll write more about our personal daily life later, but hopefully that gives a modest overview. 

Are you a city mouse or country mouse? Having experienced both, I can personally go either way. Do you have a preference?